The Road Trip

You may have noticed that posting has been light. Of course, that's just a polite way to say that I haven't been posting. I apologize about that. I have a lot to say, but things are happening that I can't discuss that are eating up all of my free time. More to come about that in a few weeks.

The big problem this last weekend was a family car trip to Phoenix, or more specifically, Gilbert. Of course, where we really went was right on the edge of Queen Creek, not where most people think of when they think of Gilbert. But all of that is beside the point. It's about a 12 hour drive from my house to my wife's brother's house in Arizona. 12 hours is a long time to be in a car with 3 boys 9 and under.

Don't misunderstand me, they are really good at entertaining themselves. Pirates of the Caribbean 2 is almost 3 hours long, King Kong has about 2 hours of entertainment(they make me fast forward past the first boring hour) and Monster House is probably an hour and a half, so that takes a good chunk of it. We also plan the trip to arrive at around midnight, so if the boys fall asleep at 9:00, that takes 3 hours out of the trip. We also stop for dinner which eats up (get it?) most of an hour. If you add this up, there is still about 2-3 hours of time when the kids are sick of movies.

The older boys can draw or play with their new Nintendo DSs, but the 4 year old just can't. At around 7:00 he just wants to chat.

4yo: Dad
me: what, 4yo (see I remembered!)
4yo: who would win, a Trex or a triceratops?
me: Hmm, probably the triceratops, because of the sharp horns.
4yo: no, dad, the Trex has sharp teeth and he's mean.
me: you're probably right.
4yo: Dad
me: what, 4yo
4yo: who would win, a TRex or a pterodactyl?
me: well, the Trex does have sharp teeth, so I pick the Trex.
4y0: dad, the pterodactyl has sharp teeth too, and he can fly really high
me: but the pterodactyl can't fight the Trex until it comes down next to it, then the Trex could bite it.
4yo: dad, the pterodactyl can fly REALLY high. (logic is not his strong point)
me: OK, you're right.
4yo: dad, who would win between a Trex and Darth Vader.
me: (this is a tricky one) Well, 4yo, I think that Darth Vader would win
4yo: I think so too (YES, I got one right!)
4yo: dad, who would win between Darth Vader and all the people in the whole world?
me: I think all the people in the whole world would kill Darth Vader.
4yo: dad, no, Darth Vader has a lightsaber, No one can win Darth Vader.
...and so forth. This is mildly entertaining for 20 minutes or so, but I start to lose it after a while.

The Escapee at Wendys
There was a winter storm that blew through the day of our trip, so we didn't want to take the shorter, yet narrower/twistier mountain roads. This left the longer route through Las Vegas. And we arrived in Vegas at around dinner time. You know those FOOD signs on the freeway that alert the hungry motorist to appetizing dining options in the vicinity? I like those while we're travelling, because we can pop off on an exit and find a McDonalds or Wendys easily.

Well, we entered Las Vegas from the north and saw a FOOD sign with a Wendys on it. So, off we went. We had to drive a way in from the freeway to find the Wendys, and that part of town was a little scary. All the windows that I saw had bars on them and lots of homeless people were wandering around. I thought about turning back, but we were almost to the Wendys. We should have turned back. Not all Wendy's are created equal, and the FOOD sign dosen't tell you that. I mean, chicken nuggets are chicken nuggets, but my wife's salad had that slimy salad slime on it, and my spicy chicken sandwich was nasty.

The Wendys was across the street from a hospital. I didn't think much about it, except for a brief thought about stomach pumping, until this lady came walking in. I thought that she was another homeless person (there were 3 or four homeless people wandering around the street outside), but she was a bit different. She did have kind of a homeless person vibe, but she was wearing a coat over a hospital gown- and I think I remember her wearing slippers. She had a plastic grocery bag that looked like it had street clothes in it.

She came in and bee-lined it straight to a window seat near the hospital-side of the Wendys. She kept making furtive glances out toward the hospital. After about 5 minutes of this, she made a break for the door and jetted off down the street. I'm not sure, but it looked to me as if she'd escaped from the hospital. We were glad to leave and get back on the interstate.


I'm a Scofflaw
The rest of the trip was uneventful until the trip home. The storm had passed and the shorter way was clear. This way takes you through some lonely country pretty close to the Grand Canyon. Late at night there aren't many other cars and it's dark. You may have read about my love of fast cars. Well, it's a long drive and not a lot of traffic- even my minivan goes pretty well. Let me just say that I may have surpassed the speed limit a time or two.

As we approached Page, Arizona (A lovely town with a professional and helpful police force) I noticed a pair of headlights approaching me from behind. I didn't think too much about it, because there are people who drive faster that I do. Suddenly this new car turned on its scary roof-mounted police lights and beeped its siren a couple of times. I haven't been pulled over since 1994, and I'd forgotten how humiliating it is.

It didn't help to have the family in the car.

Wife: Were you speeding?
Child A: What's going on?
Child B: Are we stopping!
Wife: What's the speed limit? How fast were you going?
Child A: Dad! Were you breaking the law?
Child B: Cool a policeman!
Child C: Why are we stopping?
Wife: Do you know how much this is going to cost us?
Child A: Were you speeding, Dad!
Child B: Dad! I can't believe you were speeding!
Child C: Why are we stopping?
Wife: Why were you speeding?
Child A: Do we have to go to jail?
Child B: I don't want to go to jail!
Child C: Dad, who would win, a Trex or the Monster House?

I thought I was doomed. Visions of ticket fines and huge markups in my insurance rates danced in my head. The police officer walked up- "Good evening, I pulled you over because of your excessive speed- 76 in a 65 zone." "Really!?!?" I say, trying to sound shocked, "I'm so sorry!" I'm doomed. We had to scramble for the registration and insurance card- but we found them. He walked back to his car- probably to radio in our plate and names to search for any APBs out on a silver minivan with a family of 5. I'm doomed. My wife was trying to keep a good attitude, but she kept sneaking a crusty look my way. I'm doomed.

The officer came back and said, "You were speeding a bit too much and I want you to be more careful, especially with your family along" I'm doomed. "I'm going to give you a warning tonight, but slow it down." I'm saved! He hands me what he calls my 'souvenir'(the warning form) and tells me to have a good night. I'll have a good night all right! I'm saved! I can't believe he just gave me a warning! I was sure he was out to fill his quota and make some money for his small town. But, maybe he really was concerned about my safety. I drove at 4 miles per hour over the speed limit the whole rest of the way home.